I’m about to sit down for grammar lessons, but my mind’s not totally in the classroom yet. Well, when is it? It’s really no secret that I’m thick. Thick as a sausage roll from Mrs. Miggin’s teashop. But no, today it’s something different.
There’s a letter in my blazer pocket – from Uncle Bertie. I haven’t read it yet. I was going to, over toast this morning, but then I started talking and forgot all about it. Ed- I mean, Blackadder had a letter too. It’s terrible, but I’m desperate to know who sent it. He seemed surprised when it arrived. I’m wondering why…
I don’t think he’s read his letter either, or at least not properly. He could though, if he wanted to. He’s always been much quicker than me. You know, intellectually. I was up so late last night that I’ve just lost the concentration for reading anything. I do that. Just lose concentration on things and flit onto something else. I think other people presume I don’t notice the silly things I do, but sometimes I notice…
I was talking to Melchett as it happens. I wanted to tell him how Flossy was, and he seemed terribly interested. Flossy’s expecting babies, you know. Of course, I’m dreadfully excited. Except, then, I told Melchett that he was to come and see them. I’m such an ass. He came over all flustered, and Nurse Fletcher-Brown had to intervene when he started choking on his bacon. I don’t know why I said something so stupid – it did no good at all. Anyway, where was I?
Oh, yes, Blackadder and I were off to Professor Moreau’s classroom. This wasn’t this morning, it was last night. Or it might have been this morning, but very early on. Moreau teaches French, you see, on the floor below the Bacon dormitories (that’s my house – and Eddy and Baldrick’s). I must have been asleep for a good few hours, but I woke up in the night with the need to spend a penny. I was just getting out of bed when I saw someone else was up, so I raced over and found, to my exceedingly good luck, that it was Eddy. Blackadder, I mean.
“What on Earth do you think you’re doing?”
“I’m off to the lavs. Aren’t you?”
He paused for a moment, before saying, “George, I don’t need you to hold my hand while I go to the toilet.”
Well, I laughed and assured him that I wasn’t going to do that, and he told me to keep quiet. That’s when Baldrick walked up and asked what was going on. I think my laughing must have woken him. I laughed more quietly and noted that things were turning into quite a little party.
“George, Baldrick, if you don’t shut up it’ll be quite a little funeral service.”
Blackadder’s always making jokes like that. But I kept my mouth shut, because I think he was being serious. Well, I kept it shut until we came out of the dormitory. I can’t really keep quiet for long. I wanted to talk to Baldrick. No real reason, I just have this need to say things.
“For the last time, shush!”
“Oh, don’t worry. I don’t think anyone’s going to hear us.”
“I don’t want to take any chances.” He looked at me severely through the darkness, “I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Hold on one minute.” I exclaimed, rather too loudly I expect.
I could hear a strained groaning noise, which I presumed was from Blackadder’s frustration. As it happens, I found out later, that it had been Baldrick, the unfortunate recipient of Blackadder’s frustration.
“Oh for goodness’ sake. You’re going to ask to come too, aren’t you?”
“Well, I should think so. What exactly are we doing?”
“I left something in Moreau’s classroom.”
This sounded rum to me, so I asked, “Why can’t you pick it up tomorrow? We’ve got a test there, second lesson.”
“I know, nit-wit. I spent all my prep time for it being harassed by seventh year prefects with grudges…”
I made to pat him on the back consolingly but had my arm battered back towards me.
“Anyway,” He continued, “Moreau’s bound to have the answers to the test ready for tomorrow, and I don’t want to end up with a detention for failing abysmally.”
I gazed at him, trying to figure out what this had to do with him fetching something from Moreau’s classroom.
He waited for me a while, before finishing, “So… basically I’m desperate to get my exercise book back before the lesson tomorrow.”
I nodded. I didn’t quite see how all these things fitted together, but Blackadder is much more intelligent than me. I decided that as long as he knew what was happening, I shouldn’t worry about understanding it.
Baldrick seemed to have some questions, but apparently there was no time for these. We went on our way down the hall. Baldrick and I stopped off, for an obvious reason, on the way. Then I suggested that we go and wake up Professor Darling, to get his permission for fetching the book. Blackadder didn’t seem to think this was necessary - probably didn’t want to wake anybody up. We went straight to the French classroom instead.
It was almost pitch black in the corridors. What else would you expect, I suppose? But I’ve never been very keen on the dark. I thought Eddy wouldn’t mind if I took hold of his hand while we walked.
“What do you think you’re doing?” He hissed, pulling his hand away.
Quite reasonable. I mean, I must have scared the bally life out of him. Just grabbing his hand like that. In the dark. What was I thinking? The fact that he reacted that way doesn’t mean anything… does it?
I must have looked hurt, because a few moments later he added, “Oh all right. You can hold onto my elbow if you must.”
I took hold of it happily. He’s so kind like that… And he wears such soft pyjamas. When he’s warm, they remind me of Flossy. Well, we haven’t really been… intimate for long. I can remember the first time though. It was after a false fire alarm, believe it or not. All the boys were standing aimlessly around the grounds in their pyjamas, waiting to be let back in. Eddy and I were in the copse just behind the Blake dormitories. First we were talking for a while, just to pass the time, then kissing, then… Oh, we did lots of things. But what I remember most is resting my head on his flat stomach afterwards. This was in late June - the morning sun left its warmth where it could. Eddy’s pyjamas were perfectly comfy. In fact, I remarked upon the subject.
Though, come to think of it, that wasn’t just the first time. That was the only time…
Whoopsy daisy, Professor Davy’s just walked into the classroom. Oh, and Blackadder’s been reading his letter after all. Did I hear, “From Elizabeth”? Who’s Elizabeth?
Oh well. I'm sure I'll find out soon.